With my second elevator pitch, I changed a lot compared to my first one. I memorized my pitch, dressed up in a blouse and blazer, used my phone instead of my web cam for better quality, and increased the length to be closer to the 90 second limit.
*Note - The sync is off. I tired fixing it but every time I upload it it's the same thing.
Hey there Chloe,
ReplyDeleteSo right off the bat, "Dear universities" is not the best way to open your pitch. While it sounds sweet and sincere, it also sounds like you're starting a long hand letter, which most likely isn't the vibe you're going for. Also, I know it's involuntary, but try to make a conscience effort to stop the sort of clicking sound that you make between sentences. I tend to do the same thing, so I know the struggle! But it comes off as unprofessional. I
After listening to your pitch, I don't really understand how your product works. If I were an investor, I would be wondering how you're going to persuade Canvas or MyLab to allow you to sync their calendars since they're so careful about security that they don't even allow many other educational platforms to sync with them. Also, I know you said "two easy clicks" but how exactly does that work? What am I clicking? Also, click implies my computer, but you only mention the product in the form of an app.
Finally, I'm not really convinced by this pitch that this product will actually be beneficial to the university. Sure, it may help student's create more organized calendars, but how exactly does that help to the university SO MUCH that they want to pay you for something that realistically, students should just be doing on their own. So I would try to incorporate statistics into your pitch about how "increased participation in campus events boosts graduation rates by 10%" and that "70% of the student body says they would attend campus events....if they knew about them!" some cheesy research like that. I'm sure it exists, just go find it & work it into your pitch. That way, the universities are getting an actual benefit out of the service other than "to make student lives easier" because god knows that isn't any public university's top concern.
Hey I thought you performed great in your speech. You gave enough details to make people interested and stayed around the limit. I do think you gave too much "boring" detail when you talked about how you would sell your product. I do not think is was necessary. You should appeal to your audience with things that interest them. You should have told them more details about the service/app
ReplyDeleteWow Chloe, you really stepped it up on this one. I like how you gave specifics about how you will release this. I also like the name of the product. I have yet to put a name to mine. My comment to you last time was to add a closing which you did this time. Were you reading your script? It seems you were looking off to the side. I made a quick bullet list to remind me what to say but it kept me from looking at it the whole time.
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